This Week's Selected Quote from Newsweek Magazine

The August 14, 2000 Issue

"I'm not sure there is such a thing as 'minor groin surgery.' Anytime there's a blunt instrument around my genitalia, I think that's major."

Dennis Miller, during his debut as a commentator for "Monday Night Football," remarking on running back J.R. Redmond's off-season medical procedure


=< Previous Quotes >=

Click here to see quotes from 1997.
Click here to see quotes from 1998.
Click here to see quotes from 1999.



"I would really appreciate if people didn't vote for me."
Douglas Couvertier, candidate for town council in Southwest Ranches, Fla., who only recently learned that, if elected, he would have to give up his job as a fireman just three years before retirement

"Welcome to the daily press blackout."
State Department spokesman Richard Boucher, on the secrecy shrouding the peace talks between Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Barak and Palestinian leader Yasir Arafat

"I wish reporters would ask me more about what's in my head and less about what's between my legs."
Vermont's Karen Kerin, the first openly transgender candidate for Congress

"Today we are learning the language in which God created life."
President Bill Clinton, on the completion of the human-genome map

"If he died quickly, it would be too good for him."
Maria Ema Kasam, a resident of Freetown, Sierra Leone, after the capture of rebel leader Foday Sankoh

"They're billionaires and they're taking us to IHOP?"
New York Islanders fan Bob Ceparano, who met with the hockey team's new owners, Charles Wang and Sanjay Kumar, heads of Computer Associates

"I found 64 messages saying 'I love you' on my computer this morning. Given the state of e-commerce these days, I was strangely moved."
Dr. Matthew Naythons, a vice president of the Internet pharmacy PlanetRx, reflecting on the Love Bug

"We have no leadership, just a crazy old man who is scared of losing power."
Obey Mudzingwa, an opposition member, on Zimbabwe's President Robert Mugabe, who, opponents believe, is encouraging upheaval over land redistribution so he can establish martial law and stay in power

"Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God! Agghhhhhh!."
Julia Pickar, who left an Internet company to start her own, as she watched the Nasdaq signboard in Times Square

"I think we have a few less day-traders starting tomorrow and a few more Prozac takers."
Arthur Cashin, Paine Webber's director of NYSE floor operations, referring to Wall Street's roller-coaster ride last week

"It feels odd sleeping with a lady."
Newly knighted business tycoon Richard Branson, who, with his wife, will now be known as Sir Richard and Lady Joan

"He just knew he wanted to go to jail and be with his mother."
Police Chief John Higgins, citing the reason a sixth grader gave for holding his classmates and teacher hostage at McKinley Elementary School in Lisbon, Ohio

"Thank you for your e-mail. This Internet of yours is a wonderful invention."
Bush, responding to a message from Al Gore that asked the Texas governor to forgo soft-money advertising

"I want to begin this morning with a discussion of my favorite books."
Bill Bradley, announcing the end of his run for the Democratic presidential nomination

"There are alumni reports that our name presents an obstacle when seeking employment and that some have chosen not to display their diplomas to avoid unkind remarks from colleagues."
Beaver College president Bette E. Landman, in a February letter to alumni, parents, staff and students inquiring whether they thought the school's name should be changed.

"We are not, have not and do not plan to conduct any sex experiments."
NASA spokesman Ed Campion, denying a French astronomer's claim that U.S. shuttle astronauts had test trysts to decide which sex positions work best in zero gravity.

"You just have that bovine sense of calm."
Pat Piper, a 32-year-old aspiring doctor at Loyola University of Chicago, explaining the spirituality he gains from chewing smokeless tobacco, a stealth trend among office workers whose employers have cracked down on smoking.

"When Buddy Holly died, they always said it was the day the music died. Well, with Scultz's death, it is just like the day the laughter died."
Longtime "Peanuts" fan May Kobold, of Santa Rosa, Calif., mourning creator Charles Schulz.

"I've seen enough killing in my life. I know how precious human life is, and I don't need a lecture from you."
Republican presidential hopeful John McCain, a former prisoner of war in Vietnam, chastising Alan Keyes, another Republican candidate, who questioned McCain's understanding of the abortion issue.

"I'd had Gatorade, orange soda, and I went to cream soda...Who knew that cream soda had caffeine in it?"
Democratic presidential hopeful Bill Bradley, blaming recent bouts of irregular heartbeats on caffeine.

"I just have no firsthand experience."
Vice President Al Gore, when asked by a reporter whether he thinks young women today are too promiscuous.

"No one on our side knew that canyon was there. All of the sudden, two weeks later we got this data and it was like, 'Look at that hole!'"
Richard Zurek, the Mars Polar Lander project scientist, on the crater that may have marooned the spacecraft, now missing for more than a month.

"We are Japanese. It is too hard to pronounce, and we cannot be bothered with it anyway."
Yaeko Mizoguchi, surrendering her struggle to pronounce the word "millennium".


   Back to the main page