Selected Quotes from Newsweek Magazine, 1999


"Your accent stinks."
A New Hampshire high-school student, when asked by Vice President Al Gore for an example of what it means to "dis" somebody.

"The American people is supportive of me."
GOP presidential front runner George W. Bush, during an interview with CBS's Jane Clayson.

"It's like trying to catch a couch as it tumbles down a few flights of stairs."
Matt Bowen, leading tackler for the University of Iowa, on the difficulty of stopping University of Wisconsin running back Ron Dayne. On Saturday, against Iowa, Dayne broke the major-college career rushing record of 6,279 yards set by Ricky Williams at the University of Texas.

"I'll be awake, for one thing."
Musician David Crosby, a former drug addict, when asked how the Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young band's upcoming U.S. tour, slated for January, will differ from its last in 1974.

"Yeah - for lunch."
Bob Dole, responding to a reporter who asked whether Elizabeth Dole would be "available" - meaning to run as vice president - after she withdrew from the presidential race last week.

"In science we have big words like photosynthesis. Do we not call it photosynthesis? Do we call it plant food making?."
Ken Rosenbaum, director of the Kentucky Science Teachers Association, on the state education department's replacement of the "evolution" with "change over time" in its curriculum guidelines.

"Organized religion is a sham and a crutch for weak-minded people who need strength in numbers."
Minnesota Gov. Jesse Ventura, interviewed for the November issue of Playboy magazine, where he dismisses religion and rationalizes the behavior of men toward women in the military.

"It's short on policy statements, but the sex scenes are a lot better."
HarperCollins editor David Hirshey, comparing actress Cybill Shepherd's autobiography to Sen. John McCain's memoir, after the actress expressed interest in running for president.

"I'm on the conservative side, but Buchanan is Attila the Hun."
New York real-estate tycoon Donald Trump, on suggestions from Minnesota Gov. Jesse Ventura and others that he run as an alternative to Pat Buchanan on the Reform Party ticket.

"Maybe I don't watch enough 'L.A. Law.' This is a very, very complicated situation."
Four-time divorcee Patricia Duff, after her windy testimony angered the judge hearing her child-support case against ex-husband, Revlon chief and billionaire Ronald Perelman.

"Return to Sender: You must be morons to send me this letter."
Bernard Lewinsky, in a letter to the Clinton Legal Expense Trust after the trust inadvertently solicited Monica's father for a donation.

"It must have been one long, good layover."
Bob Kenia, vice president of the Association of Flight Attendants, on the unprecedented number of pregnant flight attendants at British Airways.

"One of our inspectors told me that he was talking to a food handler today, and the person was confused about what the expiration date means."
Jack Breslin, assistant director of San Francisco's Bureau of Environmental Health, after students in a city elementary school were served three-month-old milk on their first day of school.

"It is harder to get a prescription filled than to buy a gun."
Local minister Rev. Don Harp, during a memorial service in Atlanta for victims of the recent office massacre.

"I originally proposed ear tags like they put on cattle, but nobody was willing to go along."
Iowa Republican Party chairman Kayne Robinson, joking about ways to limit repeat voting at this past Saturday's GOP straw poll in Ames.

"As long as state secrets aren't being revealed, we want more such objective news reports."
The China Youth Daily, a publication of the Chinese Communist Party Youth League, on confirming last week that it had been doctoring its weather reports for 36 years.

"I think she's the checkout person at the market."
Attorney General Janet Reno, quoting a woman she overheard during a Fourth of July parade telling her husband why she thought Reno looked very familiar.

"I didn't know it went in until everybody started yelling and hollering."
Blind golfer Worth Denton, who sank a hole in one during a charity golf outing benefitting the Foundation for Fighting Blindness.

"She's a Jew, a lesbian and a Southerner. Just think of all the scholarships that makes her eligible for."
Sandy Gellar, on her 17-year-old daughter, Samantha, whose play about two lesbians was banned for school audiences in Charlotte, N.C., but performed last week at the New York Shakespeare Festival.

"The biggest trouble we've got with safety is the cheese -- it's a missle. We can't guarantee anybody's safety here. We put signs up and boundary fencing, but you can't stop the cheese, not completely."
Tony Pither, chairman of the Cooper's Hill Cheese Rolling Committee in Cooper's Hill, England, before the annual -- and sometimes dangerous -- race to chase rounds of Gloucester cheese down a steep hill commenced this week.

"Let's say you have a daughter and she is really ugly. OK, maybe you get her a nose job, a chin implant. But you don't kill her.."
Dante Mazzitelli, the owner of an Italian hotel that was demolished last week on order of the government because it violated zoning laws and was considered an eyesore.

"I can disagree with doctrines and dogmas and still celebrate them."
Madonna, who had her daughter baptized as a Roman Catholic though she herself has rejected the church.

"I think it's possible to defend this constitutional right and also defend the kids in the school cafeteria."
Sen. Gordon Smith, Republican of Oregon, speaking on the Senate floor in favor of a GOP-sponsored gun-control bill

"Without all Kirk's emotion and intensity and high-octane hand-wringing, our villains of the week might have seemed more ridiculous than frightening."
"Star Trek" star William Shatner, defending in his book "Get a Life" his much-lampooned overacting.

"Dear Mr. Heston, I hope you're happy now."
Note left in NRA president Charlton Heston's mailbox by his neighbor, singer Lorna Luft.

"I said, 'Man, why do you want to screw up your life? Take my car. You don't want to do this.'"
O.J. Simpson, on what he told the man who tried to rob the former football star at gunpoint last week.

"Yes, Bill Clinton is a big flirt. He flirts with men. He flirts with women. He flirts with pets."
Former White House press secretary Dee Dee Myers, in a speech at a Montgomery, Ala., college

"What can you do? The man is dead."
Altus, Okla., Police Chief Mike Patterson, on the difficulty of compaigning against his opponent, who died two weeks after the deadline for candidates to withdraw their names from the ballot."

"You know, most psychiatrists call me a genius."
Los Angeles Laker Dennis Rodman, when asked by NBC sportscaster Jim Gray whether he'd sought any professional help during his four-game absence from the team. Replied Gray: "Maybe they need a little help."

"I have ways of persuading other than being diplomatic."
Minnesota Gov. Jesse Ventura, on the tactics he planned to employ on a trade mission to Hollywood, his first such trip

"After all, it's their money."
Former president, George Bush, explaining why some of the federal government's budget surplus should be returned to taxpayers

"Mommy made a big mistake."
Monica Lewinsky, to ABC's Barbara Walters, on what she will tell her children

"He got stuck on one step: he couldn't cross that one leg over the other."
April Ryan, White House correspondent for the American Urban Radio Network, on her more-or-less successful attempt to teach Vice President Al Gore "the Booty Call," a popular line dance, aboard Air Force Two en route home from South Africa

"See what happens when you let men into the cabinet?"
Secretary of State Madeleine Albright, after Health and Human Services Secretary Donna Shalala pointed out that the two women were discussing Kosovo policy while, nearby, Housing and Urban Development Secretary Andrew Cuomo was complimenting Agriculture Secretary Dan Glickman on his shoes

"Shall we go to the toilets and prove it?"
Chess legend Bobby Fischer, after denying to a Hungarian radio interviewer that he is Jewish. The live broadcast was cut short when Fischer broke into an inpromptu anti-Semitic tirade, prompting the confused host to ask, "Aren't you Jewish yourself?"

"Above all, we are all older."
Pope John Paul II, when asked upon his arrival in Mexico last Friday what had changed since his first visit to that country, in 1979.

"Madeleine Albright. She's a tough chick...I'd hate to meet her in a dark alley."
Actress Lucy Lawless, better known as Xena, the warrior princess, on who she thinks is most like her TV character.

"This happens to be the first time an impeached president sent a wreath to another impeached president."
Kendra Hinkle, a park ranger at teh Andrew Johnson National Historic Site, when the birthday wreath that the sitting president traditionally sends each of his predecessors arrived last week



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